she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
