angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
