We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
not ubering you a puppy
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
