So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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