yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
