Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
