Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
