Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
