I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
