Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
