My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
