My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
