It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
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I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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