Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
