Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
