dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize