D3 body, D1 cock
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
