I heard we made out
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
