Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize