i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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