Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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