everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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