I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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