did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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