alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
