8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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