just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Terrible idea I love it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
