I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
