Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
