do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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