I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
