I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
