Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
