He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
