So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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