Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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