I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
