I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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