I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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