well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You ate ashes out of my bong
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
