hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
