i already hear my dad disowning me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
