I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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