Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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