Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
