I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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