Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
