a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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