haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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