my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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