I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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