what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
