he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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