last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
