At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Barsexuality is the new black.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
