Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
