I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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