Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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