I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
