There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
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I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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