No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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