Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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