Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
