Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize