This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
