He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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