physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
