When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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