So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
