Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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