I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
