I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
did i walk over a car last night?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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