The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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