brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
