drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
