i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
should my penis look like a turkey
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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