I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
