Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
