omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
