is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
