dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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