I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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