My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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