And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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