new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
