WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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