Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
